When You Hook Up With Your Friend (Casual Sex Pt. 2)
Comedy
When You Hook Up With Your Friend (Casual Sex Pt. 2)
Sorry, I did not realize those Civil War pictures in my guest bedroom would freak you out so much.
Yeah, can't sleep with a photographic Cemetery just staring at me.
Well, the good news is that snoring will be kept to a minimum. So do you want big spoon or little spoon?
I think I prefer little spoon, but it feels like society tells us don't be gross, or I'll put up a pillow wall.
[Music]
Start
[Music]
Sh, Mom. Oh no. That was weird. Does she like, think we're dating?
That's weird.
No, she probably just thinks... I don't... I did not tell her that we weren't.
Did you not tell her I'm gay?
She doesn't know what gay means.
What are we doing?
What are you doing?
I'm getting ready to sleep in your weird childhood bedroom.
No, no. I know that look.
No, I'm not giving a look.
When I told you I have casual sex, I didn't mean with me, you dumbass.
Come on, is it really that crazy of an idea?
Yeah.
Is it the nose strip?
Is it really that crazy of an idea?
Oh no, you're serious. Okay, that guest bedroom of death is looking real attractive.
Wait, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey. Look, look, look, look, look. I'm not making this weird. Look, I'm making this weird. I'm putting the nose strip back on. Oh, I made it weird. But like, sexual preference aside, where are you even putting it? You said you hooked up with a guy. One guy in college.
I'm not going to magically turn straight for you.
What if you just like, look at me like a human sex toy?
Oh Jesus Christ. You know, like, I mean, lesbians –
Ed, no.
Chris I – You can't say I look good.
[Music]
And you know what, you wouldn't want to hook up with me anyways.
Why?
Because you shouldn't hook up with your best friend. It's a rule.
Earlier today, you said you would have sex with a friend. The best thing about casual sex is that you can have it with a friend.
So you probably have a huge crush –
No. I said an acquaintance, maybe, but we'd have to be on the same page.
Do you want to listen to The Wicked soundtrack again?
All right, I guess I misinterpreted it.
Yeah, clearly.
It would just be so easy. You know – it's like, we already have so much fun together. We could still joke around. We could still hang out with each other and play, but then we could also do the most fun, most relaxing thing two adults can do together—have orgasms. And no one will get hurt, and no one's going to fall in love with anyone else, and I'll get over Max's girlfriend and everything will be perfect.
No. Chris, that's not how it would go at all. Okay, this is how it would go: We'd both have to be incredibly drunk because that's the only way this would ever come up; and then we'd have sloppy, uncoordinated sex leaving both of us very dissatisfied. Then we wake up in the morning and regret it completely. The friendship would no longer be innocent and platonic—it would be ruined forever.
Is that what you want? For things to change?
Is that a no?
Buddy, that's a hell no. You're my best friend.
Me too.
And if we could also have sex –
Ah Chris, I'm gay.
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I had to try, you know I had to try. Once, like one time, I got to try, you know?
Hey, if I come up there to cuddle, this no one has more to do with me than it does with you.
Hey Chris.
Yeah?
If your hand goes anywhere near me, I will chop it off with your great-grandfather's Civil War machete.
Understood.
Yeah. Okay. Good night.
Is it the nose strip? It doesn't –
[Music]
Help.
Keywords
- Civil War pictures
- Guest bedroom
- Photographic Cemetery
- Big spoon, little spoon
- Childhood bedroom
- Gay
- Casual sex
- College hookup
- Human sex toy
- Lesbians
- Wicked soundtrack
- Best friend rules
- Platonic friendship
- Uncoordinated sex
- Regret
- Sexual preference
- Civil War machete
FAQ
Q: Why couldn't Chris sleep in the guest bedroom?
- A: Chris found the Civil War pictures in the guest bedroom unsettling, making it hard for him to sleep.
Q: Why didn't Ed's mom know he was gay?
- A: Ed implies that his mother doesn't understand or know what being gay means.
Q: What did Ed mean by saying society tells us not to be gross?
- A: Ed suggests that societal expectations discourage intimate behaviors, such as spooning, between friends of the same gender.
Q: Did either Chris or Ed want to change their friendship?
- A: No, Chris propositioned Ed, but Ed wanted to keep their friendship platonic and not risk ruining it.
Q: What was Chris’s argument for having casual sex with Ed?
- A: Chris argued that since they already had fun together and were close, adding sex to the mix would be the most fun and the most relaxing thing they could do without jeopardizing their relationship.
Q: What ultimately was Ed's response to Chris's proposition?
- A: Ed firmly declined, emphasizing the importance of their platonic friendship and stating that having sex would ultimately ruin it.